So, late last night I was being driven insane by my own thoughts. I had to write it down before I went absolutely bonkers....These thoughts will now follow:

I've always wondered about the heirarchy in highschools and every time I think about it, the more and more pissed off I get. Because of these damn cliques and fucking heirarchies there's no way we'd ever be friends, much less anything more than that. He's your typical sports jock, with his pretty-boy looks and perfect body, and I'm your typical polar opposite of that. Whatever that is. The nerd without the good grades perhaps? We're a different class in that goddamned highschool which is a sad thing, because there's no chance of me ever getting to know him. Even on a friends basis. I've known his friends longer than he probably has, and that in and of itself is enough to ruin any chance we might have had at being friends. Those friends and I go back nearly 13 years, and that hostility has carried on through the years, and there's no way I'm changing my views. One in particular made my life a living hell for a little while, and he's probably the biggest asshole of them all. I caught this persons eye for a half a second and the icy stare just pierced through me. I could almost hear those thoughts of his just from his expression. But I wish him and I (the him I've been talking about) could get to know eachother. He's all that's in my head and it's driving me insane. Both in a good and bad way all at the same time. It's too bad because I bet he could be a really good friend, but those damn class divisions take away any chance of that. I don't get it. He's not what I fall for. The whole package is completely opposite of what I'd like and I can't figure out what's so fucking alluring about him. But right now, he's all I have eyes for, and at this rate....

Cheers to going to grad alone.

Hopefully that changes.


Yay for being all emotional and angsty. Ah well, life goes on. I'll survive, but right now, it's just so goddamned frusterating.